Fear Turns to Love and Understanding
by preacherlady11
Summary: A PhanPhic inspired by the 25th Anniversary a RAH. What if Erik, and not Raoul, was the one courting Christine? This works its way around the ALW lyrics, starting with the end of "Music of the Night." No copyright infringement intended. Recognized lyrics and characters aren't mine, they belong to ALW and Gaston Leroux. Other similarities are coincidental.
1. Prologue

**Author's Note:** My first Phantom fic! ALW lyrics appear in this story as marker points so that the reader can see where the story lines up with the musical. This is something that came to me while watching the 25th Anniversary at RAH on Netflix, and just wouldn't leave me alone until I got it written up. I have no idea how long this will end up being, as it is still a work in progress.

* * *

 **Prologue**

"You alone can make my song take flight. Help me make the music of the night."

And with that, Christine was asleep and dreaming of the man who inspired her music, protected her, and made her feel safe and loved. The Angel of Music faded into the shadows.

The next morning, Christine awoke, unsure of her surroundings.

"I remember there was mist, swirling mist upon a vast glassy lake. There were candles all around, and on the lake there was a boat, and in the boat there was a man."

Christine looked around, getting up from her slumbers. A masked man was working on something, oblivious to the world around him. She recognized him from her dreams:

"Who was that shape in the shadows? Whose is the face in the mask?"

In her naïveté, Christine playfully took the mask from the man's face. She thought for sure he was someone she knew – and that he was hiding from her.

"Damn you! You little prying Pandora! You little demon! This what you wanted to see? Curse you, you little lying Delilah! You little viper! Now you cannot ever be free! Damn you, curse you..."

The masked man showed Christine the deformity on his face – that which the mask had been covering. In his anger at being exposed, the deformity darkened to a purple hue, looking increasingly frightening as the man became more and more angry. As he looked at Christine, cowering in the corner, his anger changed to a desire for understanding.

"Stranger than you dreamt it. Can you even dare to look, or bear to think of me: this loathsome gargoyle who burns in hell but secretly yearns for heaven? Secretly, secretly… But Christine... Fear can turn to love! You'll learn to see, to find the man behind the monster. This repulsive carcass who seems a beast but secretly dreams of beauty, secretly, secretly..."

Christine looked back at the man, her heart breaking as she saw the tears in his eyes and heard the words he was saying to her. The man noticed this, and started to cry:

"Oh Christine. No, no."

He looked away from her, and began to inch away, realizing that he had frightened her. Christine looked down at the man's mask, lying next to her on the floor. Feeling terrible, she handed the mask to the man – a peace offering of sorts. He replaced the mask on his face and turned to her. Just as he was about to speak, she looked up at him and said, "What is your name?"

He looked down at her in disbelief. What a question to ask, that she, his angel, would ask him such a human question. That she, his angel, would see him as a human being – as a person – who would have a name.

"Erik."


	2. Chapter 1: Back to Daylight

**Chapter 1: Back to Daylight**

"Erik."

Christine looked at the man in the mask again, trying to find the words to express the thoughts running through her head. Just as she thought she had found them, he grabbed her by the hand and dragged her to her feet:

"Come. We must return. Those two fools who run my theatre will be missing you."

As Erik lead Christine back up the labyrinth to her dressing room, she realized something had changed between the two of them.

"Erik…"

He stopped and turned to look at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm sorry."

"Erik is not worthy of apologies from Christine."

"Yes, you are. I was wrong. My father taught me to apologize when I am wrong, and I was wrong. I shouldn't have taken your mask. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Erik studied Christine for what felt like an eternity. What was it about this girl that made him want to change the world? And what was he going to do about that insolent fool who was trying to win her hand?

"Christine, I should apologize to you for blowing up like I did. I'm sorry. You are forgiven, but please, don't tell the secret you know about my miserable existence."

Christine nodded her head in agreement. Erik turned to continue leading her back up the labyrinth when she grabbed his hand to stop him again.

"Erik?"

He turned to her, a flash of annoyance crossing his eyes for she had stopped him again. He said nothing, waiting for her to continue.

"I knew him when we were children. He was my playmate in my youth. I don't want him around me anymore. He is far too pushy, and acts like I can't make up my own mind about what I want. I… oh, I don't know. He annoys me. Please don't think that I wanted him there last night."

Erik didn't know how to react. Was his Angel of Music – his Christine – telling him that he was the she really desired? Was she telling him that she wanted his protection?

"Christine, why did you tell me that? What do you want from me?"

She paused, giving herself time to think about her response. Did she want Erik the man? Did she want the music he created? Did she want the protection he could offer her?

And then it hit her: she wanted it all. She wanted the protection, the love, the caring, the music, the man. She wanted the ever-present feeling of being wanted for more than her pretty face and flowing hair. She wanted the chance to get to know somebody, and for that somebody to get to know her. She wanted to know if she could be loved in spite of the fact that she was a chorus girl who had gotten to sing one song because La Carlotta had backed out of it in true prima donna style. She wanted to know if she could be admired for something besides a school boy's memory of a time gone by.

"I want to get to know you, Erik. I've only ever known you to be the angel who inspired my voice. I want to get to know the man behind the music, and the mask. I want you to get to know me as I truly am. You want me to know the man behind the mask, I want you to know the woman behind the voice."

Erik was startled by this revelation. Didn't Christine know that he had never been accepted as a man? That he had always lived a life knowing that he was a monster who was unworthy of being around other people? And yet, she looked at him with a gaze that seemed to be sincere. Something in her eyes told Erik that he could probably trust her, but he wasn't sure.

"Oh Christine. You know not what you ask. You cannot know how your words affect me. If it is true what you say, then prove it to me. Tell him to leave you alone."

"I can do that. He might not listen, but I will not encourage him willingly."

Erik looked into Christine's eyes and saw her truth and her willingness reflecting back to him. He turned around and continued to lead her up to her dressing room.

"Christine, you should know that I have done something that might cause there to be some… resistance… toward you from the managers and the others around the opera house. Please trust me and my judgment. All shall be well, I promise. It is for you and your career. I have instructed that you are to sing the role of the Countess in Il Muto."

Christine was taken aback by this, but knowing her mentor, and getting to know the man behind her music, she trusted him and his judgment.

"I trust you, Erik. If you believe I can sing it, then I can sing it. I just hope…"

"Hope what?"

Christine sighed and looked at the floor, "I just hope that the managers have the same vision you do."

Erik thought about this for a moment, and, lifting Christine's chin with finger. "I will make sure they do."


	3. Chapter 2: Meg and an Unwanted Visitor

Chapter 2: Meg and the Unwanted Visitor

After Christine returned to her dressing room, she found Meg Giry waiting for her. "Where on earth have you been, Christine? Everyone has been looking for you, especially the Vicomte, and the newspapers have been overrun with headlines about how Carlotta resigned and you disappeared!"

"Meg, if I were to tell you, you would never believe me. But I promised that I would not tell, and so I cannot tell you."

Meg, seemed to be unfazed by Christine's refusing to tell her where she had been, and continued to gush about all that had happened.

"Messrs. Firmin and Andre have received a couple of different notes from the Opera Ghost. It appears that the Opera Ghost is insisting that YOU sing the role of the Countess in the new production of Il Muto. Carlotta was told in a note that she received that she was to play the pageboy, which is a silent role. She was FURIOUS and declared that the Vicomte must have sent the note, because you were sleeping with him. He said that that was preposterous, and that there was no way that he was the one that was sending these notes. So, Messrs. Firmin and Andre decided that, in order to appease both Carlotta and the Opera Ghost, Carlotta would play the Countess, and you would play the pageboy. They figured that the Opera Ghost really just wants you to stop being a chorus girl. It's all very strange."

Christine, considering all Meg had said, shook her head, and mumbled to herself, "Oh please, no, no, no." Meg, still absorbed in her own storytelling, continued to regale on Christine all that had happened in her absence. "Joseph Buquet was making lewd comments to the corps de ballet again. He's such a dirty old man, you know, always trying to look up their skirts, and hanging around the dressing rooms. And he makes the most terrible I mean, really, he was making jokes about the Opera Ghost, and then he actually said that you were probably off pleasuring the monster beneath the opera house, and that he was certain that he knew more about pleasuring an upstart chorus girl-turned-diva than some deranged madman who lived beneath an opera house. Mamma told him that he should watch what he was saying, because it could be that he would be the Ghost's next victim. But he just laughed at her. That man makes me cringe."

Christine was now quite worried about Erik. While she couldn't be certain, she felt as though Erik would not stand to hear such things said about her or anyone else. She knew that Erik would be dangerously upset about the managers' decision to have Carlotta play the part of the Countess and to have herself play the role of the pageboy. Part of her wanted to see Erik, to be reassured by his presence, and part of her hoped that he was nowhere near, so he wouldn't know of the choices that had been made with disregard to his instructions.

"Christine," Meg interrupted her thoughts, "the Vicomte de Chagny seemed very distraught that you were missing. It seemed like he had wanted to spend time with you himself. Were you with him? Was he putting on some grand show to preserve your dignity? You know you can tell me – I am the closest thing to a sister you've ever had."

"Meg, I can guarantee I was not with Raoul last night. But please, don't ask me where I was. I cannot tell you. Just trust that I was safe and sound, and in no danger whatsoever."

"Raoul? You know the Vicomte by first name? Christine, that doesn't help with the rumors that have been going around here. What's going on?"

Christine closed her eyes, and thought back to a time long ago, when she was a little girl, and life was much easier.

"Raoul and I grew up together. He was my best friend as a child, and when I was little, I thought that the only people I needed in my life were my father and Raoul. When my father died, and I came to be here at the Opera Populaire, Raoul went to work with his father and brother on the family estate. I never thought I'd see him again. And now, I feel like we've grown apart, and yet, he still expects me to be the little girl I was back then."

"What are you going to do, Christine?"

"Well, I'm not sure how or when, but I'm going to tell him that I really have no desire to be anything more than friends, and if he can't handle that, then I don't know what to tell him except to not pursue me."

As if on cue, a knock sounded at Christine's dressing room door, and when Meg opened the door, there stood Raoul de Chagny, holding an ostentatious bouquet of roses, the scent of which overwhelmed both Meg and Christine.

"Ah, Little Lotte! I am relieved to see that my flower has returned to us unscathed. Might I be able to convince you to let me take you out to dinner so we can talk about our future?" Raoul assumingly asked.

"I think Mamma is looking for me. Christine, I'll catch up with you later," Meg said as she excused herself from what she knew would be an uncomfortable conversation.

As Meg left Christine's dressing room, Raoul tried to push his way in the door, but Christine blocked his way. "Raoul," she started, "it isn't right for you to be here like this."

"But Christine..."

"No Raoul. We have grown apart – we are no longer the children we were back in Sweden. Please, don't pursue me. Please don't bring me flowers, or ask me out to eat with you, or get any ideas about what you would like our relationship to become. We are no more than acquaintances right now. We were friends, but that was when we were children. We are not children anymore, and we have seen too much of life to still hope to hold onto a childish friendship."

"Then you are seeing someone else? I can't believe you would shun someone as eligible as myself. What are you thinking, Little Lotte?"

"I am thinking that my name is Christine, and the fact that you insist on calling me Little Lotte just goes to prove my point – that you still think you love me as when we were children. Raoul, please know, I do not wish to be anything more than perhaps friends with you."

"I will change your mind Christine. You are worth the fight." And with that, Raoul set the roses down in the doorway, bowed deeply, and walked away.

Christine, after setting the roses further into the hallway, closed and locked the door to her dressing room. She heaved a heavy sigh, and collapsed at her dressing table, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to fall from her lashes.

"Oh Erik. Help me."


End file.
